Who was the youngest King of Egypt? King Tot.
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
To make up for a lousy summer.
You know you're gaining weight when . . . . .
Your scales say "One at a time please".
Did you hear about the sailors who couldn't play cards?
The captain was standing on the deck!
How much do pirates pay for their earrings? A Buckaneer.
How do billboards talk? Sign Language.
Why did the bubblegum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's foot.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
Did you hear about the kidnapping down the street? His mom woke him up.
What do you call an exact duplicate of Texas? The Clone Star State.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Did you hear what happened to the man who got a job as a human cannonball?
He was fired on his first day.
The early bird may get the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Always try to be modest. And be proud of it!
What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?
I got a Surgical Doctor doll for my birthday. It operates on batteries.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
If Batman & Robin were run over by a steam roller . . . .
They'd be Flatman & Ribbon.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.
What do they call Frosty the Snowman in Florida? A puddle.
What would you have if every car in the nation was pink?
A pink carnation.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
What is an inkling? Could it be a baby fountain pen?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
Nurse: Doctor, there's an invisible man who wants to see you.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him.
What goes up and never comes down? Your age.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What phone service do they use in space? E. T. & T.
What was the first weather report? Hail, Caeser!
Dreamed about a muffler last night. Woke up exhausted.
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
What should you do if you see an endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?
Sit A Spell, Relax and Enjoy
A Little Humor
